In which my dad learns about purses and jeans sizes.

  • My dad: Your sister's crazy. Who'd want a $200 purse?
  • Me: She does.
  • My dad: What is it with ladies purses, anyway?
  • Me: (glancing at my purse) What do you mean?
  • My dad: How did that start--I mean, why do women use them? Doesn't it get tiring carrying a bag around all the time?
  • Me: (stands up and turns around) See those pockets?
  • My dad: ... Yes?
  • Me: What can I fit in them?
  • My dad: What?
  • Me: How many things do you think I could fit in my pockets? Honestly. How many things?
  • My dad: Doesn't look like you could fit much.
  • Me: A pack of Orbit, some folded bills, and that's about it. That's why we use purses--because we can't carry our shit in our pockets like you do.
  • My dad: But I can fit my wallet, my keys, and my cigarettes in my pockets!
  • Me: And your jeans also fit the way they should.
  • My dad: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you mean?
  • Me: Your jeans are sized by, what, your inseam and waist, right?
  • My dad: ... Aren't yours?
  • Me: I'm a size 3.
  • My dad: 3 what?
  • Me: No, just a 3. A size 3.
  • My dad: What does that mean?
  • Me: I actually have no idea. I'm a size 3 in these jeans. In some other jeans, I'm a 5. I'm a 7 in my favorite pair of shorts.
  • My dad: Wait, it's not the same?
  • Me: Nope. A size 3 in one brand's jeans is completely different from a size 3 in another brand.
  • My dad: That's fucking stupid! How do you shop for them?!
  • Me: With great difficulty. This is why when you ask me what I did during the week and despite the fact I know you won't care I sometimes tell you I found a pair of jeans. Because finding a pair of jeans that fit and fit well is like finding the Holy Grail with your name encrusted in diamonds on it






Who the fuck named the Sahara Desert anyway

Sahara is just the Arabic word for “deserts”

You fucking named it the Desert Desert

way to fucking go

chai tea

I’ll take “European Imperialists Who Never Bothered To Translate The Local Languages” for $200, Alex.

"Soviet" means "union"
The Union Union

We’re good at this.

the world is full of nothing but moon moons we are all moon moon all of us



There’s such an important difference between

  • I’m so upset by this character’s death! I loved them so much and it was such an emotionally charged moment! I need a week to compose myself.
  • I’m so upset by this character’s death! I loved them so much and their death was utterly pointless. It was done for unnecessary shock value and the plot will definitely suffer for it. I need a week to stop fuming.